Boys, stop reading right here. This blog post would not be interesting to you. Move along, nothing to see here. I'm sure you can find a Popular Mechanics or Sports Illustrated that you can read. Seriously please leave. You have been warned, BUT if you choose to read further just don't make direct eye contact the next time you see me.
Okay, does everyone who is left have a uterus (or used to have one)? Good, read on.
Sometimes being a girl SUCKS!!!! Big time!
Case in point. Before I had kids I wore a size 7 shoe. Before I had kids I wore a C cup. After having kids I wear a size 9 shoe. After having kids I can't quite fill an A cup. HOW IN THE WORLD IS THAT FAIR!? I knew about the stretch marks and expected that but no one told me that after having kids I would look like bigfoot trying to smuggle grapes out of the grocery store by stuffing them in my bra. And while on that subject it is totally unfair that I still have to wear a bra. I went bra shopping the other day and had a fitting. I hoped that the breast gods would shine down on me and I would miraculously be a B cup (Heck I would be thrilled to even actually fill the stupid A!) but that was a big fat NO. Still an A. Although I don't think I can even call it an A. It's more like an a. A tiny lowercase a. So the girl suggested a bra with padding. I tried it and discovered that I really don't like wearing a bra that makes me feel like I'm trying to steal twinkies by sticking one in each cup!! Nope, not a fan. Then she brought in the chicken cutlets, seriously...I don't care how comfortable and discreet you say they are but it would just be one big embarrassing story waiting to happen. "Excuse me ma'am I think you dropped something....is that a chicken cutlet?"
Second reason I don't like being a girl. Three weeks ago I decided that I wanted to try to lose a few pounds so I decided to cut out sugar. I thought I would give it a month and not weigh myself during that time so I wouldn't sabotage myself (I'm really weird that way). I had been doing really good with the no sugar thing and this morning I decided that I just couldn't wait to weigh myself, I had to be down at least a pound or two. Step on the scale....UP FIVE POUNDS! Are you freaking kidding me!?? So I showed that scale. After dinner tonight I made cinnamon rolls and ate two! And they were yummy.
So there you go. Two reasons that being a girl really stinks sometimes. I'm sure there are many more. Does anyone know where I can get some double a's, and sadly I'm not talking about batteries.
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7 comments:
LOL! You're right, sometimes being a girl leaves a few things to be desired, but thanks for the laugh this morning. :) By the way, it wasn't having kids that changed my shoe size, it was getting married (went from an 8 to a 9). Maybe it's age-related? I'm just hoping I don't ever move up to a 10 - I can handle a size 9, but 10 just seems HUGE! And my bra cup size has gone up, not down, but I'm pretty sure that's weight-related - I would happily give up a cup size along with 30 lbs... ;)
You are hilarious! Oh my.....so glad I'm not alone in the world of blubber and boobs and feet. Sigh. However, in the long run, the sugar thing will work itself out, I promise. I did the No Sugar thing for a year and the first 2 months are a pain. You'll notice too that you will crave protein more and that's good to give into to. You will also crave carbs more, which just turn to sugar anyway, so if you choose to get back on the wagon, meet cravings with protein or something with Splenda. However, I think you are cute all over, so no worries dear. :o)
you forgot to mention all the madness that occurs in the bladder. You might be a bit young yet but go with me. 2 thumbs straight down!
Just had to say a HUGE THANK YOU for posting this. Not only did it make me lol, and make my day... but man do you speak the truth. My feet have grown. My boobs (although still a size C) are no longer the perky, cute things they used to be. And trust me, when I lose this extra 35 lbs I carry around, those size C's will be deflated and worse than they are now. NOT FUN. And just for the record, you are a total BABE. (And also, the undies store in Park City at the Outlets does carry "nearly A's"... I have a friend that gets hers from there. :)
I can so relate! Each pregnancy my feet grew a half size. I started at an 8 1/2 and now I'm a 10. Size 10 shoes are not cute. Ugh.
You are so funny. I am up to double D's right now while breast feeding, so I am at the other end of the spectrum. Yuk, I am hating it. An A cup sounds glorious to me especially when I jog.
You are so funny Bonnie... and refreshingly so! I was trying to stifle my laughter as I read this so that Shawn wouldn't ask me what was so funny. Hee hee. I sure love you!
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